Recycling rates

* indicates a common mistake 

Recycling rates

Student answer (150 words, ~ 30 mins)

The graph illustrates date about different types of recycled materials (paper & card board, glass containers, Aluminum cans, plastics) (in the period of time) from 1982 and 2010 in one country.  

Vocabulary: You can say “shows data” but not “illustrates data”.  We illustrate a (specific) point.  

Spelling: “Data”, not “date”.

*Grammar: “Aluminium” avoid capitalising adjectives mid-sentence

Cohesion: “In the period of time” is redundant.  (It is adding nothing to the sentence and can be removed.)

*Cohesion: You are missing point 2 of the formula.  This would significantly decrease your mark. You need a summary sentence of the results. 

Generally,  ✔️ paper & cardboard  is the highest priority between four kinds of recycling materials ^ from over 60 ^ in 1982 to 70 ^ in 2010. Between 1982 and 1994 experienced fluctuation and then decreased til 2010, is 70 percent. 

* Coherence: You should move the detail of the second sentence into the main body paragraphs and say something briefly about the overall trends over time of the other materials.

* Grammar: verb must agree with noun quantity -  “paper and cardboard is” > “paper and cardboard are”

Coherence: “the highest priority” > “the most recycled material” - the graph is measuring “recycling rates”, not “priority”.

Vocabulary:  “Between”  > “among”.

Grammar: “Recycling” > “recycled”

Punctuation: missing comma - materials > materials

Grammar:  missing unit of measurement - “60” > “60%”

Vocabulary / grammar: “Between 1982 and 1994 experienced fluctuation” > “Between 1982 and 1984 paper and card recycling rates fluctuated”.

Grammar: style is too informal.  til > until.

Grammar: “is 70%” > “until it stood at 70%”

Aluminium cans have the most significant changes rose from ✔️ about 2 to 45 percent in 2010.

Grammar: stay in the tense you started in - “have” > “had”, but in this case it would be better to say “showed / demonstrated”

Coherence: It is not the cans themselves that are of interest, but their recycling. “E.g. The recycling of aluminium cans demonstrated…”

Grammar: “rose from” - You must either put a full stop then say  "They rose from..." or, continue the same sentence but change to "rising from".  

*Coherence: Incorrect analysis. - “from about 2 to 45 percent in 2010.”  It sounds as if this change happened only during 2010.  Say “from about 2% in 1984 to 45% by 2010”

The glass containers recycling decreased from 50 ^ in 1982 to 40 percent in 90 and then increased steadily ✔️ to 60 percent in 2010.

Grammar: “The glass containers recycling” > “The recycling of glass containers…” or “Glass container recycling…”

* Grammar: Missing unit of measurement “from 50 ^” >  from 50%”

Grammar: “in 90” > in 1990

The least favored material are plastics which is 2 percent I  1990 and then rose steadily to 2010.

Vocabulary: “favoured” > “recycled”.  

* Grammar: noun quantity and verb must agree:  “Material are” > “material is” or “materials are”.  

* Grammar: Stay in the tense you started in, i.e. the past tense: “are > were” or “is > was”

* Grammar: Stay in the tense you started in.  i.e. the past tense  which was 2%.  

Grammar: You could better substitute “which is / which was” by saying “at 2%”.

Spelling: “I” >” in”

Coherence: “steadily” - it would be more accurate to say “gradually”

Two examples, in different tenses, showing how you could improve this sentence:

Past:  The least recycled materials were plastics at 2% in 1990 which rose gradually until 2010.

Present:  The least recycled materials are plastics at 2% in 1990 rising gradually to 9% in 2010.

To sum up, ✔️ both paper & cardboard,  abd glass containers ^  recycled all the period time of question, but Aluminum cans and plastics ^ recycled after 1986 and 19990 respectively ✔️. 

Spelling - abd > and

Grammar: missing verb - “glass containers ^  recycled” > “glass containers were  recycled”

Vocabulary/Grammar - “all” > throughout

* Grammar - incorrect capitalisation of an adjective: “Aluminium” > “aluminium”

Grammar: missing verb - “plastics recycled” > “plastics were recycled”

The first summary sentence is good.  You have a couple of good examples of cohesion (“Generally, to sum up”) and vocabulary (steadily, rising from). 

Recycling - model answer (162 words)

The graph indicates the amount by which different types of material were recycled between 1982 and 2010. In summary, paper and cardboard were the most recycled material while plastic was the least recycled. 

After an uncertain start between 1982 and 1990, paper and cardboard reached a peak recycling rate of 80%in 1994 before gradually falling, in 2010, to the 1986 level of 70%. Paper and cardboard recycling rates, as well as glass, troughed in 1990 at 65% and 40% respectively.  Yet, in contrast to the steady fall thereafter of paper and cardboard, glass gradually and consistently rose over the  following period to 60% by 2010.

Aluminium showed the greatest increase in recycling rates with a notable rise from 5% to 45% by 2010. Plastic recycling rates also rose, but negligibly, from 3% to 9%. It should be noted that while data began in 1982 for paper cardboard and glass, data was not captured for neither aluminium nor plastic until 1986 and 1990, in turn.